A different terrain

It was very dark and cold as I climbed out of my warm bed to head to a goat farm where I have been doing an apprenticeship.  I have always had a love for goats but never really thought about them until a friend in Cuba gifted me with a Christmas goat. Yes, my goat and now goats live in Cuba. I figured since I will be visiting often I had better learn something about them and with all of the political mayhem  circulating in the ethers, the goats and the early morning have been a welcome reprieve from the madness.

A lot of learning  happens on a goat farm and some of it is not the hands on kind.  Of course there is that but being around a goat one also learns a lot about themselves.   Dealing with another species known for its intelligence and stubborness can try the most patient saint.  It calls for an inner calm and an ability to meet the goat on the same level. It pays to think like a goat.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but anything can usually be accomplished with a bribe; and for a goat an animal cookie is worth its weight in gold.  Politics does not take up space in the goat brain.  They have no political affiliations or no prejudices based on race or religion.  However, a funny shaped hat or an unusual jacket or look might cause them to rethink any dealings with you.

Life on a farm can be a happy  or downright sad.  It takes discipline and nerves of steel to not fall into a blubbering heap when death makes a visit to claim a dearly loved life,be it adult or a newborn kid.  It is hard and  you feel it but there comes a time when you learn it is part of the cycle.  You cry, you accept and you move forward loving even more and knowing in your soul that it will happen again.  When new life comes you learn  to nurture and give of yourself no matter the time of day.   You quickly learn alertness and take nothing for granted.  A baby goat’s head is not soft. I learned that the hard way.  A few of the goats on the farm are horned and that my friends can bring its own set of issues. Horns can hurt and severely injure.  Pay attention.

In the dark of the early morn, you come to notice the peace and quiet before the worldly chaos begins.  You watch as you see the first peak of sunrise and realize how blessed you are to be here at this time and at this moment.  You breathe and smell the fresh hay as the two hearty burros beckon you to get on with the task at hand.  You know you are where you are meant to be and you are never going to be the same.

If the Statue of Liberty could cry, I think that time would be now.  Not only would she be crying, she would be screaming  and hiding her face in shame.  When I was 8 years old, my father loaded up the family ford for a trip to New York.  We had relatives there and an annual visit was par for the course.  My father wanted me to see the Statue of Liberty as he is a great believer in the power of education and cultural experiences.   As we walked towards lady liberty, I was amazed at the sheer size and ran towards her hellbent on making my way up the multitude of stairs to reach the torch.  Stopping along the way, my father told the story of how she was the welcome beacon to many who had been displaced and were fleeing their land for better opportunities.  As he told the story my mind pictured what it must have been like for those leaving a home they had known to risk all for a chance at a new life.  I wondered what they must have felt when they saw the statue for the first time.  I wondered if they cried as lady Liberty held the torch guiding them to their new home.  I imagined how they held each other tight relieved they were finally safe and heading to prosperity.  To me her face was one of kindness.  Now, when I think of her crying, I cry with her.  I can imagine the shame and embarrassment she must feel as we turn away those she has always welcomed.  I think of how we have ignored her message becoming a nation shutting all doors and cutting out the lights.  We have forgotten that many of our ancestors were the ones holding each other tight on their way to a new way of life. We have allowed fear to have a parade.

Fear is a powerful motivating factor.  Yes we are all aware of the events of Sept 11, 2001 where the twin towers were toppled by Muslim terrorist flying planes but conveniently forget Oklahoma city where Timothy McVeigh an American born terrorist wreaked havoc on a government building.  We also forget  Dylann Root who took the lives of 9 Americans as they prayed in a Baptist church in Charleston, S.C.  Fear makes us want to hide, pull down the curtains and lock the country especially from those who look or think differently than we do.  To believe that anyone or anything can keep us safe is delusional at best.  Of course, we must be diligent as it would be naieve to believe in a perfect world where we all join hands and sing kumbahyah.  We know there is evil in the world with a purpose to destroy but we cannot afford to allow fear to dominate and hate to win.  One would hope that we as a people are bigger, braver and kinder.

I am sitting here in a hotel room wondering what the hell is going on in our world.  I am tired and I am beginning to have very little tolerance for ignorance and control.  Over the past week I have had many of my friends participate in one of the largest demonstrations of civil and caring people determined to take a stand not only for women’s rights but for human rights.  While out of the country, I thought of these brave souls and applauded them for taking a stand.  I applaud them for facing tyrants and small minded neanderthrals hell-bent on dismantling rights that our ancestors fought so hard to obtain. I applaud them for turning off the television and braving the crowds to make their voices heard.  It hurts my soul to hear belittling jokes in reference to those who marched. Jokes coming out of the mouths of those we have voted into public office.  Jokes coming out of the mouths of grown men and women making a mockery of this very important political moment.  It saddens me when grown men refer to the marchers as “fat, ugly women as if that is the only reason they took the time to march.  It is demeaning and drags respect for women and women’s rights to a new low.

Make no mistake, intelligent women are well aware that we still have a ways to go as patriarchy will always be threatened by the power of women.  A woman who stands in her power giving voice to her beliefs unfortunately is seen as something that needs to be controlled.  History has proven this to be true.  Many strong and vocal women were once burned at the stake for being too outspoken and just too much to handle.  The burning continues today.  Not by flame but by concious or unconcious subjugation.  Women are belittled, patted on the head and told to go home and be good.  We are judged in the minds of many for our sexuality or so called wonton desires.  Instead of celebrating the beauty of our bodies, we are subliminally told how shameful or dirty they are.  Many of us have been brainwashed to go against one another.  We lash out at our sisters for marching ,aiding those hellbent on stripping them of their rights to protest.  We can be our own worst enemies.  Instead of propping each other up, we want to tear each other down.  In order to survive and claim our power we  need to take a stand and claim our beauty and our power.  We need to stand unified to tear apart the patriarchal belief and judgement that we are less than.  We have the right to claim our sexual and intellectual nature without fear of reprisal or shame.  The time is here and we will not be denied.  

Today I feel like crying.  I am on a plane heading for Cuba and leaving behind only for a little while my country which is in deep turmoil.  I feel like crying when I look at John Lewis, the elderly congressman belittled by President elect Donald Trump.  I look at the line etched face of John Lewis and recall how hard this man fought for civil rights.  I am old enough to recall the struggles of those who fought long and hard.  On this day as we celebrate the birthday of Martin Luther King, I still feel like crying.  I cry for all of us and the progress we have made that others are so hell bent on taking away.  I cry for the deviciveness that has taken root  and pitted us against one another.  I cry for the palpable anger and helplessness so many feel.  Yet there is a part of me that knows we are born for this.  We are here on the planet at this time to take a stand.  I used to have a mentor who always told me “piss or get off the pot.”  That is now where we are.  It is time for all of us to take a stand.  When I hear someone belittling John Lewis, a man who along with others made it possible for me to cast a vote, eat in a restaurant, sit on a plane or any other of the myriad of things we take for granted, it brings a heaviness to my heart.  It also makes me more determined than ever to take a stand against hate, violence and division.  It makes me stand proud and refuse to be beaten down or denigrated.  It makes me honor and respect those who came before me and to learn from their stories.  We are not victims.  We were born in our skins and  genders to learn lessons we can only learn in those circumstances. Together we are strong, divided we are weak.  Unfortunately many of us fail to realize our own united strength.  What hurts one, hurts us all. 

Most of us have been there.  It is the place where nothing works, ideas or plans are few and far between and many of us feel lost.  It is the void.  It is the place of angst and worry.  It is the place that keeps us awake at night.  Many of us fear it as we cannot control how long we will be there or how deep we will have to go.  The void hurts especially when we fight. We want to know what is on the other side and we want out now.  Navigating in the void can feel like being in a boat without a paddle.  Often the void has the answers we are looking for and the time comes when we need to relax and allow the universe to do its work to guide us.  Answers may not come easy and our path may be filled with rocks.  It is at this time we trust.  We know there is light at the other end and where we are going is often more supportive than where we are coming from.  Now we need to trust our own voices and stand firm in our power.  Now is the time we cannot listen to others for they are not able to walk our path or understand our journey.  Many feel they may know better. They may tell us they have been there and offer advice coming from a place that does not apply to us.  We may listen, thank them and go on our way.  Alone, we must walk the path.

There was the night I sat alone fearing for my life knowing the end was near.  I had lost faith in my will to survive.  My health had become my enemy. I sat in the dark and cried tears of fear not knowing how and when I would come out on the other side. I was alone and knew that no one could fix the turmoil and fear that I felt.  It was in that place that I came to understand as awful as it felt it did not kill me and it gave me the space to face what was to come.  I managed to grow stronger as I looked into the abyss.  Looking into a black nothingness we must feel our way along as sight is nonexistent or severely limited. Facing our fear and stumbling in the dark we gain strength, we become more sure and less afraid.  We learn to navigate using all of our senses.  It is in the dark we come to understand that once again there will be light.  Breathe and keep feeling your way along. Soon one begins to see.

Standing in the ocean with my daddy a big wave knocked me down.  I was 5 at the time and I had not been paying attention.  Daddy had always warned me to stand where I could still see the sand so the water was not deep.  As I stumbled to my feet blowing and spitting out the salt water from my mouth, I was annoyed that I had been caught off guard.  I thought I had been paying attention. I was not prepared.

Fast forward to now.  I am in the midst of some kind of transformational pit hole.  Months ago while swimming in a feisty warm ocean, a thought came to me to float with the waves. The sea was rough and  fighting the waves  was making me feel tired and annoyed.  The same was happening in my work and my life.  All was feeling foreign and there was a feeling of being mired in the muck.  I was meeting resistance and rejection at every turn.  That day in the ocean  I opened my arms I allowed the water to carry me.  Not very far from shore, I let the waves wash around me and enjoyed the feeling of limitless floating.  I became big and felt as if I were a part of the vastness of the ocean and no worries could assault my tired mind. I turned it all over to something larger than myself. As the salty waves washed around my neck, I was reminded that life’s journey is full of waves, some smooth and easy and some turbulent and rough. Navigating the waves and looking out for the big ones can also help us to navigate our lives.  So many of us have come to accept that fighting and resistance is a part of life; a kind of test to show how tough we are.  We fail to understand the futility of a resistance that leaves us tired and haggard.  How well we can relax in the vastness and go with the flow can keep us afloat.  Waves will come and some will hit us when we least expect it no matter how ready we think we are.

I had initially said I would refrain from posting a blog related to the recent election.  I lied. As I watched with the rest of the world there was an uncomfortable feeling of anxiety and anticipation.  Yes I voted. I am a firm believer in that right and honor the lives lost to gain the priviledge every time I step into a voting booth.  It is a priviledge that I hold near and dear. The recent election has given rise to an increase in conservatism and cries to “make America great again.” Unfortunately, many feel that making America great entails taking it back to an era of unconstitutional right trampling for minorities and women. We are entering a perilous time and if we are not careful we will carry out our own demise as a country.  Since the recent election, there has been an increase in hate crimes and other acts of intolerance.  We as a nation will not survive fighting amongst ourselves.  It is now necessary that we all take a stand against hate and violence wherever it may rear its ugly head.

Garrison Keillor recently penned an article for the Washington Post advising liberal democrats to take a vacation from the political mayhem. He advised them to grow tomatoes, take long walks in the woods and basically stay out of the fray.  We are now in the fray.  We do not have the luxury of standing on the sidelines afraid to get involved.  We must speak out and stand in the face of evil and hate.  Confrontation is frightening and can result in harm to our own physical being but we are our brothers and sisters keeper and have an obligation to protect and help one another.

Stay Alert and be aware.  Do not be afraid to speak out and confront those intent on doing harm.

Report and video any incidents

Stand close to the victim and offer any help

Don’t turn away.  Be available

Speak out on social media.  Anonymity makes it easy to spew hate.

Fight hate and racism within your communities and among your friends.

Take care of each other.