It is early morn and once again I am awake. This morning I sit contemplating something a friend recently told me: that all men hate their wives. Apparently this information was given to him by a trusted therapist. Personally, I think I would have asked for a refund and gotten a new therapist but that is not my decision to make. I have pondered this sentiment and I am astounded that a therapist would have this as a point of reference. This is supposed to be someone trained to deal with issues of our minds and help us navigate the sometimes tricky aspects of life.
I am left wondering how we got to this point where grown men believe it is the norm to resent women or wives? My friend discussed this as if it was Ok and an accepted fact because it was the valid opinion of a therapist. Almost like a silent agreement or understanding amongst men. Many in our culture speak of relationships or marriage as if women are standing around waiting for any man to hogtie and force down the aisle to holy matrimony. Many buy into the notion that all women want marriage and there is not a man alive that would go along unless forced. There is no denying that marriage is not for the faint of heart and leaves a lot to be desired in the area of personal fulfillment, but that is another story for another day. I am left wondering why some grown men need a scapegoat for their inability to navigate their lives? Why are women to blame?
We do our young boys a disservice. We fail to help them understand or be present with emotion. We tell them that to cry is a sign of weakness. “Be a man, be strong, don’t be a sissy, crying is for little girls.” We teach them that vulnerability is an emotional disorder, one best avoided. In the end we are left with a society of men unable to express emotion. We fail to teach them the importance of emotion and how to navigate the arena of feelings. We are raising a generation of future men who feel it is normal to resent women or wives. We raise our boys to believe boys will be boys and that women are responsible for loss of freedom or independance.
If we want a society of caring men,we have to tell our boys it is ok to cry, to ask for help or to be tender. We must call upon men to teach by example. They must show our boys how to be vulnerable and soft. They must demonstrate to our boys how it looks to cherish, value and love women. Boys must be taught that healthy relationships require healthy people. They need to hear affirming and positive descriptions of relationships and women. We need to stop pointing the finger of blame at women and we need to raise compassionate and loving men.