I would be remiss if I did not admit to the difficulty of the last 2 years. With covid, my world closed in. Added on top of that was my divorce from a man I had been with for 44 years and the eventual separation from an interim partner. Here I now stand alone. I am alone for the first time ever in my life having left the house of my father to the house of my husband. Never have I lived alone until now. I am now in a space where it is my job to make decisions for myself. I now must make decisions on things I never had to before, like car repairs, taxes and the like. I now get to decide what and when I eat as well as what time I sleep. Living alone has its pros and cons and I am not just learning how to sit for a meal instead of eating from the pan at the stove. I no longer wake in my bed wondering where I am or trying to figure out which side is my side. Yet with all of this uncertainty and learning, I am getting stronger. I get stronger every day. There are fewer days of tears, not knowing or anxiety. I no longer feel a need to explain my status or my life, it just is. I am calling the shots, me and God. Well maybe just God.
I sit here on an island in Nicaragua, a place i have always wanted to venture and now this time in my life called it to me. I am alone but I feel free. I feel comfortable here. So much has been on my mind regarding travel and life in general. I have been very fortunate to be able to have the freedom to travel the world, to meet people and to give back. Now my freedom grants me more opportunity. In this new found strength, I am finding myself. I forgot just how strong I could be. I forgot how tough my heart could be. I always saw myself as weak but now I see a new me. I see a woman capable of coming from the shadows, capable of making a life and capable of handling life’s problems and coming out on the other side. Yes I have felt the fear and still feel the fear but I move ahead anyways. In life I have come to understand there are no guarantees and whatever happens, we either stagnate or we grow. In good times and bad we gain that strength we forgot was there. Hopefully with time we find what we thought was missing but was always a part of us. Courage calls on us to be great. To be bigger than we ever were and forge new ways. Along this path we find those meant to walk with us and if we are lucky, we find ourselves.