Many years ago my only brother was killed in an automobile accident. No one really ever thinks it could happen to them and I always assumed my family was immune to such tragedy. It was always someone else. Life has a way of being unpredictable. We start out with the best of intentions, with plans of what is to become of our lives. For some reason we think we are in control and get to call the shots. We think we can organize our lives the way players are organized on a field. We expect our good outcome. We tell ourselves if we keep our noses clean and do our work, if we stay out of trouble and work hard then all the riches of the kingdom will be ours. I always dreamed of “forever.” However I have come to understand that forever only exists in fairytales and we don’t get to call the shots. Of course, we have free will and get to make our decisions or our “beds” but the universe quickly answers yes or no and if we listen closely we can hear the whisper.
I am here feeling grateful recovering from a severe foot injury. I awake this morn feeling grateful to still have two feet. I am also feeling blessed to still have my parents and able to have this time to spend with them. I realize that should I outlive them I will be an orphan. I think about patience with myself and others and how all is so fleeting. I call upon patience as I deal with my elderly parents who adore making me their baby as well as patience for myself as I navigate walking without pain. I call upon patience as I deal with an ex who is hellbent on making our communication cold and distant. I realize all of this too shall pass. Now is the time for me to understand the important pieces of my life, my relationship with myself and others.
I have spent too much time dwelling in the minutiae of others with hopes of bringing about change knowing the futility of such an undertaking. We can only change ourselves. As I awake this morning I now see the time has come for me to let things go that no longer serve a purpose and only serve to diminish my growth. It is time for me to say good bye to ego driven actions from others as well as myself. There comes a time when we all want peace and happiness. For me it is about understanding and feeling the warmth of love and support and offering it in return. When we truly claim and stand in our power we are strong and able to withstand the barbs of life.