Well it’s been a moment. Finally back in the country sitting here at my old laptop thinking about relationship. To be specific I am thinking of marriage. I sit here tonight on the cusp of divorce after a very long marriage. I am sad, scared and wondering what the hell went wrong. Why after so many years did it all boil down to this point. I knew marriage was work as I had always heard it and had always wanted to do the work. Myself like so many women in our society had my vision of that perfect day and that perfect life. I knew what I wanted but sadly, I was the only one who wanted it. When marriages fail, it really does no good to point a finger and name a guilty party. Usually there are red flags all along the way that we fail to see or don’t want to see. My case it was the latter.
Once I read a book that talked about differences between women and men. For the most part, women are communicators and love love love to talk. Men on the other hand can grunt a word or two but usually sit in amazement wondering why they need to be the recipient of such conversation from their female partner. It has been said that women speak an average of 7000 words a day while men a mere 2200. Women adore connection and sadly many men feel that connection is sexual and once that is done nothing more is needed. In my mind as a woman, it really is not that difficult to understand. I would think if I were a man I would want to learn and do my best in keeping my woman satisfied and loved. Communication is at the top of that list. Ask us and we will tell you. Ask about our day, our life, our dreams, our plans. Ask how we are feeling. Stop to listen. Sit and listen. Tell us how happy you are to be with us and how fortunate you are. Know the color of our eyes for god’s sake. I once asked my long time hubby the color of my eyes. “Green” he says. My eyes are brown.
Yes it takes a lot to be in relationship and the longer it goes, the work continues for all of us. This is my moment to understand me, us, and how do I now navigate my world. It is work to maintain a loving relationship and it may involve skills we truly do not have and need to learn but investing in us and those we love ain’t such a bad gamble.