There used to be a time when the loss of a relationship would cause me great sadness. I would often sit to ponder what I had done wrong to cause a rift with a dear friend or acquaintance. I like many would take the blame and begin to doubt my own self worth. I have a bad habit of being a fixer. I will admit I am not as bad as I used to be but I could still qualify for a 12 step program or fixers anonymous. As a fixer, I want to ensure all is alright with everyone. Part of my job would be to take care of things others should be doing for themselves. Sometimes one has to realize there are some things that are none of my business and up to the other to fix for themselves. Often in relationships, fixers feel the need to apologize, taking the blame for whatever went wrong even when it may not be their fault. I am very close to graduating from fixers anonymous.
Letting go requires courage and a love of one’s self. No longer accepting being part of a one pronged relationship there is a sense of freedom and empowerment. We become the masters of our own fate. When we give our trust and friendship to another, it is a very special gift and requires care and love. Growing a garden is akin to friendship. In order for a garden to grow, it must have nourishment and it must be weeded. The plants must be inspected for any sign of disease. Same for a relationship. There has to be nourishment and an occasional weed (disagreement) must be plucked. These things do not sustain themselves. When the garden no longer receives the care it withers and dies. True relationship takes time for the other, it listens, waits and is patient. It also takes maturity and mutual love and respect. When it withers and dies, it is time to walk away. I have walked away a few times in my life and no doubt will walk away a few more times before the dust covers my bones. It is a true love of self to demand more and an authentic way of being. Life is full of drama and unless there are actors on a stage and the lights are low, we don’t need anymore.