Last night I ran into someone that was once a good friend. The end of our friendship caused a lot of pain and soul searching and somebody’s pride caused a refusal to make amends and forgive. Pride and ego have a way of doing that, often giving us fuel to assist in our belief of being wronged. It had been 2 years since we had talked. A few times I held out an olive branch only to have my attempts ignored. I knew that healing had not taken place so I let it go. Sadness over a lost relationship especially one that held potential for friendship wounds us. No matter how much we are ready to let go, it is still a loss.
I have always said once a friend ship is over there is an energetic severing that is palpable. If one pays attention the shift can be felt before the severing happens. We no longer have commonality, our conversations become an effort and contact becomes more infrequent. The bloom is off the rose but I knew this was not the case with this friendship. Only time would tell.
I can recall several years ago another friendship that went the way of the iceburg. After an invitation to lunch, I was informed by the individual that I no longer fit into her life and in fact she felt unsupported by me. Needless to say, I did not see that coming as I was dealing with my own physical and mental maladies at the time. A dramatic severing was the last thing I expected. She had spoken several times of ridding herself of others by sending letters when they no longer fit. Surprisingly, I felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted when we parted ways. I felt light and as if I had been given a gift. It was a gift of freedom from the drama I had endured from her over the years. Losing a friend can hurt but it can also heal.
Friendship has been a gift in my world and I have been blessed to have some pretty amazing frinds. It is not always fun and exciting. Sometimes there is conflict, discomfort and annoyance but there is always support and concern. Its nice to know they have my back. Last night an old friend and I forgave. She spoke of having felt disconnected and shed tears. I had never stopped caring for her but I knew she needed time and space. Time can mend and space can heal.